Hiatus....

I took another unintended hiatus.  Sorry.

So, let me make this Wordy Wednesday.

My husband and I are on the upswing from being down with Influenza B.  I've never been diagnosed with influenza ever in my life but that doesn't mean I didn't have it before.  Since I don't remember ever having the flu before, I had no idea what the symptoms were and when I started coughing horribly last Monday, I thought it was allergies since this is my allergy season.  I got chemo infusion last Tuesday and I started feeling worse.  I called off work on Wednesday (I had been off Tuesday because I was in the hospital all day) and went back on Thursday. I was there five minutes before I was sent home and I went immediately to my doctor's office to be seen.  I hated showing up without calling but I didn't have a voice.  I was swabbed (worst.experience.ever) and then was told no work until at least Monday (of this week).  I went back and things went downhill fast.  I'm not going to put my business on full blast on the blog but being a Christian and trying to live in a Godly way I had to make a very difficult decision and after prayer, meditation, talking to my husband and a coworker who is a personal friend I decided I had two options: continue to work there and be put in situations that were uncomfortable (not to mention the job turned me back into a potty mouth and I wasn't being a good example of Christ) or I could quit and trust in God that He will acknowledge my actions and my heart and keep me and provide for me a job where I can flourish and where my salvation will be a benefit.  I wrote a rather scathing resignation letter that, apparently, as either been seen by or read to most, if not all, of my previous coworkers.  My previous boss as not even seen it himself.  I stand by what I wrote just as I stand firm on my faith and in my convictions.  I included dates and times.  I learned a long time ago that you document the heck out of your professional life.  While a smaller, more trifling person, would engage in further follow up, I have spoken my piece and have dusted my hands off and now I'm moving forward.

Monday was the first day of my last.graduate.class.ever.  I have 8 more weeks and then I'm finished.  I will have a Masters degree.  I'm elated.  Deeply in debt but elated.

Where do we stand on foster parenting?  We are going to give it another go 'round.  I pray it goes better this time.

My eyes are drooping so I'm going to close but I wanted to put at least an update out there for y'all.

MIA

Wow, I've been MIA in quite awhile.  I've got reasons!

1. I am now employed.  Yes.  I'm back in the Social Work saddle again. I am a social worker for individuals with disabilities.  Given the fact that I now a disabled person, I take a great deal more pride in my work.  I did this same job seven years ago and I worked that job for almost 4 years.  I honestly thought I could walk back into this position and be all I Got THIS! but the state has made soooooo many changes that while I have the basics down, I'm operating on the OLD system and having a hard time learning the NEW system.  And if you want me to be honest: the OLD system appears to me to be more effective and less demanding.

My job is overwhelming and I didn't expect it to be so overwhelming; however, after a mid-week breakdown (that included crying in front of my boss out of complete and utter frustration) I resigned my work to God.  Thursday started out the same way Wednesday did but I handled it differently.  I stopped and  prayed at my desk: "Lord, I will NOT allow something that YOU gave me to make ME this miserable so I'm doing what I should have done when I started and I'm giving YOU this job and opening MYSELF up to be YOUR vessel and I will follow YOUR lead."  After I finished my prayer within minutes I felt peace and knew that I don't have to stress anymore because Stress is a weapon and my Bible tells me it won't prosper against me.  And the rest of the week was amazingly wonderful. I don't mean I'm madly in love with my job yet. It is work after all, but I'm not wanting to quit.

I told my boss after he and I had a frank conversation that caused me to cry at my desk in front of him and my office mate that I promise him all of my best while I'm there.  I'm going to give him everything I have, give my 100% to every client and the agency and if I mess up or things I'll learn from them and not stress on it.  I told him I was sorry for crying in front of  him but that it was either cry or gather my things and walk out because I had reached my limit.  He said he was glad I cried!

2. My first term in my last semester of grad school is officially OVAH! I have Spring Break this coming week then on the 18th I start MY LAST CLASS EVER!!! Then I will be able to sign M.A. after my name at work instead of B.S.  I'm overwhelmed by the vast amount of student loan debt I have now because of this degree and paying for it will use the bulk of two week's worth of work on my part each month, I'm extremely proud of myself for finishing grad school.  It was not easy.  But I did it.

3. My niece continues to amaze me.  She's only 26 month's old and she's got the vocalization of a four year old.

4. Our vow renewal planning is going well.  (that's a whole blog post on its own and I'll try to do that this weekend!).

I swear I probably have a lot more to write about here but it's escaping me right now.  I promise not to put so much time between blog posts.

Posts I have coming up:

Vow Renewal Planning (visit my Pinterest Board HERE)

Where we stand with foster care

P.S. I haven't proofread this post.  I's too sleepy. So it if has a lot of typos/errors I'm sorry!!

Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes...

....How do you measure, measure a year???

Seven years ago today, the face of a man I had spent an evening with chatting at a company Christmas party while my date was "working the room" appeared in my email inbox.  He was my "ideal match" or so said, Match.com.

Seven years ago today, I paid the last $29.95 I had until payday to send that man an email.

Seven years ago today, that man also paid $29.95 to answer that email.

Seven years ago today, we spent six hours on the phone talking.

Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes ago, we finished with our first meeting with the foster care licensing social worker to begin our journey to become parents.

This past year has been challenging as we became parents and tried to parent not one but two teen-aged girls.  We often wondered what we were thinking.  Did we really want to be parents?  We often missed our lives of just being Jeff and Allison.  We have been "just" Jeff and Allison since November and it has been amazing.

I still go back and forth on if we want to accept anymore placements.  We're getting contacted every day.  They are contacting by text which I find weird but hey, whatever.  I still haven't been able to commit.  The longer we go without having children in the home the more I feel that I'm okay not having children in the home.

We will eventually make the decision that's best for us, but I know one thing will never change; I'm so thankful for the man with whom I will make this decision.  The man I reconnected with seven years ago today, the man who started the journey to become a parent with me a year ago today is the man I want by my side for the rest of my life.

I'm completely and totally in love and adore my husband.  He's kept every single marriage vow he made to me and kept it more than I ever could have prayed for or hoped any man would.  But then again, he's not just 'any man', he's The Man.  The one God made just for me.

I'm so humbled that after all the nights I cried myself to sleep just knowing I'd never find "The One" the REAL ONE was orchestrating a union that would be exactly what Jeff and I needed forever.

I love you, Jeff.  I love you more today than I did five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes ago.

Thank you for marrying me, for choosing me, for loving me, and for taking care of me.

Friday Five in One.

I missed Thankful Thursday so here I am linking with with JOY again for The Friday Five! This post will have a Thankful Thursday aspect to it, though. And because my story is long I'm making it a Five in One post!
1-5 {The Goodness and Faithfulness of God Amazes Me}  There are times in this world when all you can do is step back and say, "there He goes again!" When I think about God I sometimes picture Him sitting on His Throne just watching and smiling and saying, "That's MY son/daughter!" like a proud papa at a soccer game. Do you ever think that God sits upon High just as amazed by the things we do for Him as we are of the things He does for US?  He has the Power to show us who God is and I'm thankful that even when I start to get a prideful feeling that God steps in and says, "Stop.  Girl I'm your Father and I  have ordained your steps before you were even born. I got this. I know what is coming your way.  I give you hope and plans for a future.  I'm in control here."
I had an interview today.  I interviewed for this same position back in December. I knew we needed for me to be working again because this new car payment isn't going to make itself and since we haven't been fostering (which the new car was for that purpose so we budged foster reimbursement as part of providing for the children as a portion of the car payment. That's not to say we fostered for the money.  We didn't.  Trust me that $20 a day means nothing today.) making ends meet has been tough.  I've relied on credit more than I should or wanted but it was all going to be okay because xyz was coming through for us.  When I interviewed in December I wanted to start the first of this year because I wanted to spend the holidays with my family.  I didn't get the job. Then.  Reason: because I couldn't start immediately and the main superior wasn't sure I could handle being a graduate student and a full time employee.  I'm in the middle of two of my last three classes.  
A friend of mine got the job instead.  I never got a letter of "thanks but no thanks" so after a month of wondering why I didn't get the job with 4 more years of experience than my friend God said, "call the boss let him know you're still interested.  IT'S YOUR TIME!"  I called.  Voicemail.  Funny God!! :)
I get a call back, I have a position opening please send me your resume.  There's back story but it's not important.  Today was my interview.  Today I found out the reasons I was passed over the first time.  Today was different.  The timing is better.  I can start immediately.  Starting in March I have one class and it's online so it's not going to be a problem. The supervisor is loving this.  He wants to hire me.
I hand him a letter of recommendation from my friend Wendy who God brought into my life through a casual "we know the same friends so let's be Facebook friends" link up to being real in the flesh good friends and sisters in Christ and attend the same church.
I hand him a glowing letter of recommendation from my previous supervisor Amanda who was (and I'm not just saying this) one of the best supervisors I've ever had. 
Then after my interview my phone starts popping and dinging.  Facebook: Amanda...I just gave you a glowing recommendation.  Phone call to Wendy who said what God has for me is for me and it's in HIS timing.  I start to feel like "I GOT THIS!" 
Then GOD shows up to say, "But WAIT...watch this..."
13 years ago I started a new job and met Damita.  She is one of the most sincerely faithful woman I know.  Her love for Christ and her desire to serve Him amazes me. She introduced me to our church.  It was under different pastors then.  I wasn't ready for a relationship with God.  I quit going.
Fast forward several years I meet and marry my husband who is from 3 hours south of where we live but had moved here 13 years before for a job.  
Damita and I have stayed friends for 13 years.  I found my way back to the church even though my husband wasn't a "believer."  He hated church.  But I went anyway.  I loved the new pastors.  I loved the church.   The next week my husband went with me.  Who did he see?  A high school friend from his small town 3 hours south.  He was so excited and surprised to see Cassandra who attends our church because she works with Damita and was led by Damita to our church.  My husband and I were then knocked over by the fact that our pastors are from the same area Jeffrey is from.  
Where am I going with this?  Today they called my references for this job.  They called a job I had for one year 13 years ago.  They didn't keep electronic records of employees back then so I wouldn't be in any database for any employment verification.  But God said, "look what I can do."  Cassandra answered that phone call today. Because of the power of God, the way He has moved in all of our lives: the life of Damita who led me to CLM years ago, the lives of Pastors Leo and Regina for leading them to CLM, the life of Cassandra who started after I left but was led to the same spiritual well by Damita, the life of my husband who took a chance and moved up here 13 years ago, to my life and how looking back it has been orchestrated like a delicate quit of worn out, torn, and perfectly brand new pieces of fabric all sewn together for a purpose I couldn't have comprehended 13 years ago.
All these worlds diverged today.  I'm seriously and simply humbled by the way God has had my back through this whole process. 
I won't know for a few days if I get the job.  But even if I don't even if God's only purpose through this whole mind-blowing showcase was to show me who He is, I'm going to praise Him and thank Him for letting me know that nothing in my life is so small that He can't attend to my needs.  Today, I was the proud kid who sat back and said, "That's MY Father!"
Thank you Lord for being the very air that I breathe.  Thank you for continuing to show me who you are and what you are capable of and that you love me.  I'm simply amazed.

Friday Five

Linking up with Joy again this week for the Friday FIVE! (between worrying about getting my class work finished for the week for the big game and being sick with a sinus infection I'm not sure what all I've shared before so please forgive any repeats)
1. My husband and I were not married in a church.  It's a funny story actually.  From our first date until the day we married was 40 days.  Not kidding.  We got married on the secret for two reasons: 1. I didn't want to give up my place and move in with him and not have anything to fall back on and 2. I needed health insurance and my job was horrible.  We didn't tell my parents and they weren't there when their only daughter married.  We did have a nice reception though.

Well, this coming April we will have been married 7 years and I was thinking about how I really want to renew our vows in our church and in front of our family.  I got to looking at the calendar and noticed that the next time our anniversary falls on a Saturday is next year so on 4/19/14 we will be renewing our wedding vows and having an anniversary party.  I'm just starting to plan (read: pin ideas) for it.  You can check out my Pinterest board HERE I'm in love with this cake:

2. I had given up on American Idol a few years ago.  I felt the auditions where they feature people who are mentally unbalanced or unable to realize they are being made the behind of jokes for TV ratings bothers me. I mean, I'd rather see ALL of the talent you had to choose from instead of the few screamers, can't carry a tune in a bucket wannabe singers.  Call me crazy but I tune into a talent show to watch talent.  I mean if the entire audition process showed nothing but pure talent the top 25, top 10, and winner would be *THAT* much more talented in our eyes, no?
I did enjoy when Steven Tyler was on there even though I still didn't tune in regularly.  This season I just absolutely cannot tolerate Nikki Minaj and I've never been a Mariah Carey fan.  I honestly feel AI has run its course and given all the other talent shows on TV now does winning really mean anything anymore?  I mean other than Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson who are the other winners??
3. I absolutely cannot get enough of the show Scandal on ABC on Thursday nights.  I love politics and this show has plenty of that.  It's an amazing show.  If you haven't watched it, get ye to Netflix and start with season 1.  It's fast moving and oh so good!!!
4. I am also absolutely in love with the show Double Divas on Lifetime.  The girls on this show are amazing.  I cried last week when a transgendered male to female woman walked into the shop looking for things to feel pretty and Molly treated her no differently than any other woman who has come into the store.  The tears in the customer's eyes threw me over the edge.  Molly said, "I was raised with good Christian values of respect and love" and I've got to say that she exemplified those values with that customer.  If you haven't seen Double Divas please get the to Lifetimetv.com and watch an episode.  You won't be disappointed.
5. I think for 5 I'm going to leave you with some funnies and some things to think about: Funnies:

Things to think about:

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm linking with with Ryan via Joy for Thankful Thursdays (even if I am a little late)

1. Today I am thankful for my salvation and my new relationship with Jesus.  I set out this year not to do the usual (lose weight though I need to lose at a minimum 150 pounds...no lie) or to save money or do better but  to build a relationship with God.  I'm learning to trust Him more, to know that He will provide for all my needs and not to worry so much and stress so much.

2. I'm thankful for the fact that I'm now 13 weeks away from graduation.  Have I mentioned the "grad-school-itis I have y'all?

3. I'm thankful for a second chance job interview a week from today. I got the call today.  I'm praying the Lord will provide for my husband and I this opportunity to use my education, my experience, and my desire to serve others as a way for us to increase our blessings so we can bless others.

4. I'm thankful for my husband's job even if it's sucking up almost every minute of his day and taking away from our time together on the weekends. He's learning new technology that will, one day, open up more opportunities that are better for our family.

5. I'm thankful for my friends, especially Ginger, Wendy, Damita, and Michelle who are helping me to become a better person, who are always there for me when I need them and who love me and I love them.

6. I'm thankful I haven't gotten that "Ferrari" stomach virus though I'm battling through some kind of something.

What are YOU thankful for??

Linking Up Wednesday

Today I'm linking up with a new blogger, Shanna, that I met via JOY

So, in what ways can I be random today?

1. Went to Foster Parent Support Group meeting last night.  I came face-to-face with the girl we gave up to try to make another placement work.  That placement was 'Lyric' and it didn't work.  Of the two girls, I have really missed 'Shay'.  I cried the day she went to a new placement.  For awhile it seemed like she had adjustment issues in her new placement that were similar to what we were experiencing in our home.  She's grown a lot in her current placement.  I miss Shay.  I am very angry with myself for giving up on her and how that must have hurt her.  But at the time our home was a powder keg and we were in the final seconds before an explosion. I had to make a choice and I made the best choice I could with the information I had been provided.

The worst thing about foster care? The children aren't the only pawns in the system.  The foster parents are pawns, too.  And the master chess players will say and do anything to meet a desired end or need.  As new FPs we didn't know this. Now, Shay's worker is looking for a forever home for her and every.single.ounce.of.me. wants to slowly S.....L...O....W...L....Y try to integrate her back into our home. I'm going to pray over this.

Yes we had our issues with her but how much of those issues where her, were because of Lyric, because of the too frequent contact with mom, and just being a teen?  After all this is the first time we'd ever been parents and we were given two girls (12,13).  We were clueless.  We still feel clueless.

2. I'm in my last semester of grad school and I'm detesting every.single.minute.of.it.  I think I'm just so ready to be done that I've developed ADHD when it comes to reading my text and completing my assignments.

3. I need to develop a housecleaning, meal planning, and exercise schedule.  Here in Fairmont, WV we've had such crazy weather it has been impossible to come to any kind of schedule.Notice how I blame the weather for not wanting to do anything??  Yesterday and today we've had temps in the upper 60's and low 70's and tomorrow it will be below freezing with snow accumulations.  My head is a mess.

4. Still trying to be a good steward of my faith.  Still attending church and will be starting membership classes on Sunday.

5. My husband's company bought a whole bunch of new expensive equipment and as the IT guy he has to know how to use/run/fix all of it.  The trainer is from India by way of England. My husband is tickled when he sees a face expecting one accent and hearing another.  I got a text this afternoon from my husband that simply said, "Oh em geee he just said "Brilliant!"  I guess it's the little things!!