Gifts of the Season Follow Up

I made a post earlier this week about the HOTTEST GIFTS for this upcoming holiday season. I thought I had found ALL the best ones but I was so so so very very very wrong. So, here's an addendum.

1.

Who wouldn't want a Ginger Crystal Ponycorn Unicorn for $85.  I wish I could think of something funny to say about this but IT'S A TOY UNICORN AND IT'S EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!!!  Real life unicorns don't cost THAT much.

2. 

The touch.  The feel.  The fabric of our ears. Cotton.  What is the entire history of WTFs are these things??? When I was able to make jewelry (before Rheumatoid Arthritis robbed me of my abilities) I never thought, "let me go get a pair of underwear out of my drawer and chop them up and scrunch them up and attach a fish hook wire to them.  SURELY some woman would love to wear pieces of my undies from her ears."  But hey maybe you have that kind of, um, "lady" on your gift list so here ya go.  You can thank me later. 

3. 

Looking for this years Christmas cards?  If you're like me you usually stick with something religious and about Christ because, well, duh He IS the reason for the season. But if you are looking for something completely different so as not to offend you heathen friends may I suggest these dragon flies positioned to look like a Christmas tree cards.  

4. 

This is here for the simple absurdity of it.  WHO GOES ON ETSY TO BUY PAPER LUNCH BAGS THAT WALMART HAS IN THEIR PAPER GOOD AISLE 1,000 BAGS FOR $0.75????? *fights air*

5. 

Remember those 1980's Heavy Hair Metal Band spandex pants that are all the rage for men in my last post? If you are buying those pants for your man or a man in your life, you MUST buy these to wear at the same time he wears his hair band pants because you know what they say, "A couple who goes out into public in weird looking tights together gets laughed at and pointed at together."

6. 

Who? Who? Who would wear this????????????  I guess a better question would be who wouldn't wear this?  I mean owls are all the rage right now.  These are ideal for that quiet friend who never speaks to people and works in a cubical.  Buy this for her and have her wear it all day in her cubicle to see WHO notices.  It will surely be a HOOT!

7. 

Well, okay then.  I mean if you're THAT hellbent on smoking and advertising that you gladly put out $7 a pack of ciggies a day and that's why you smell like Hell's furnace then go you.  I would highly suggest that if you actually USE this as your phone cover that you contact Marlboro and see if you can't get paid for marketing for their death sticks.

8. 

I know I have had a couple of underwear posts (Thank You For Being A Friend Period Panties??) but I promise I don't have a fetish.  And I don't think these can be considered "underwear" because it doesn't cover your "undertheres."  That's right, these lovely Cat Open Crotch Slipknot Thongs do not cover your personal kitty.  But men, I'm sure if you buy these for that special woman she'll be sure to purrrrrchase some real panties with a crotch because THE CROTCH IS THE POINT OF UNDERWEAR.  FYI.  

9. 

For all those insecure women out there who think another woman wants your problem man, you may want to pick up a "this Guy Loves His Wife" tee-shirt.  I'm sure he'll wear this to poker night, to the bar for Monday Night Football, and his bowling league because you already know the "guys" have been razzing your man because he doesn't already have a shirt proclaiming his undying love for you.  

10. 

What man wouldn't want a bulletin board in his pocket that holds his money, credit cards, and all those pictures of you that you make him carry on his person at all times.  I'm all for being a Vegan but at some point you have to draw a line.  Don't want to use leather for a wallet?  Fine.  Make out of of duct tape but NOT A BULLETIN BOARD.  

11. 

I can't even wrap my head around this one.  Sure the Pokemon tie I covered in my last post was semi-probable.  I mean a man might actually think it funny to wear one of those but WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOUR MAN WANT TO WEAR YOUR SORORITY COLORS AS A BOW TIE?????  I just can't.

12. 

It's a tee-shirt, Bitch!!  Pretty sure this one is unisex.  Hey, Have an A-1 Day!!

13. 

This is for that person who always complains about how unfashionable those silly white strings are that run from their ipod to the earbuds.  Nothing makes you look more like a dork than having crochet ropes hanging from your ears to your ipod but hey, who am I to judge??

14. 

This Acoustic Bamboo speaker is sure to make all the JayZ songs on your ipod sound like he's rapping to pan flute music.  

15. 

And not to leave the pets out because those of us who have furry family members (with four legs, I'm not talking about your weird Uncle Dick with the furry back and ear canals) always buy them gifts, here's a sure fire way to ensure your dog will eat your couch AND love seat when you leave for work after making him go trick or treating looking like a sheep.  Making your dog wear this would be very baaaaaaaaaaaad.  

And there you go.  Sorry I couldn't make the narrative as funny as last time but honestly the fact people not only make these things but also try to get you to buy them is funny enough.

Happy Shopping!!!