I have no idea where to start this. I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. I'm ready to throw in the towel and go back to "my life." A life that I thought was missing so much that I had to go and mess with it only to realize I miss the old life more than I enjoy what I thought I was missing in my new life.
I never wanted kids until I got married. I never *really* wanted kids until I couldn't easily have them. I never *had* to have kids until I couldn't have them. Now that I've had the chance to be a mom I have to honestly say, other than a few instances, I'm not enjoying it one bit.
Maybe it's the age I started with. We started with teenagers right out of the box. Teenagers suck. Harsh? Maybe. The truth? Absolutely. Teenage girls. Don't get me started.
I feel so ungrateful when I complain how unhappy I am. I get friends telling me how this is such a blessing and I'm doing such a good service. I get people who are brazen enough to think they know what I think, how I feel, and what I want and don't have any issues with telling me these things. 9/10 they are wrong.
We've had little to no help from the social worker assigned to our home. She's more often than not clueless. Lyric has no desire to speak to her and the SW just sort of sits here and I do all the talking. I have to do the therapy (of which Lyric has not had since 9/11). I bitch and bitch and bitch but yet I get no where.
Then I find more and more little ways in which I've been lied about. Ways that center around neglectful behavior: I get mad when she calls home sick from school (the latest) or I forbid her to see the school nurse. These little things probably don't cause any of you to think, "well, that's just shitty" but the truth is how long until one of these little lies turn into bigger lies that effect my husband or I and ruin our lives?
She's got the mentality that she has a team of workers who are at her beck and call and every time I try to institute rules in this house she's got to call someone and complain because she doesn't have "freedom" and "space." She's 13.
I'm at a loss. I'm a very liberal parent. I'm not overly strict. So it really pisses me off when I get "tattled" on when I try to discipline her.
I'm going to give therapy a chance. But if by the first of the year we haven't seen any positive changes then I'm going back to my old life: happily married to my best friend. This entire ordeal has been very difficult on my marriage. And that's the ONE thing I refuse to allow go south.
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Hey you! Good, honest post. Parenting is hard. Parenting teens is hard. Parenting teens that have been so broken is super duper hard. I want to give you a special trick to make it all better, but I can't do that. It's hard work. Super duper hard work. I have 1 bio son (16), then I adopted my nieces 3 kids who were 2, 4, and 6 at the time. They are now 8, 11, 13...although that math seems wrong now. Anyway, I've had them 6 years, my husband abandoned us somewhere along the way and we are trudging through the days sometimes. Get therapy. Do it. But make sure that therapist knows RAD. Some don't.
ReplyDeleteGood job not letting your marriage go south. (My husband had his foot out the door for YEARS before we got the kids so I know it wasn't them that broke us.)
You are not alone!