Once, Twice, Three Times M'lady

By 9pm tonight we will have had three foster parent classes this week. Tuesday we learned about (oh heck, what did we learn about...*Jeopardy music* Oh that's it about support circles, how to handle after visitation meltdowns, etc.  Last night he came to our home and we did Polices and Procedures, and tonight is about discipline. 

Last night I had my first of many I'm sure, breakdowns.  What if I mess up?  What if these children never like me let alone love me?  What if we don't get Robert to adopt (he's already MY child in MY heart which is dangerous territory I know)?  I cried.  And my husband, Mr. Tomahawk?  Well, as usual he was my prince charming who rode in on a green recliner to save the day.

I was petting our 9 year old dog and talking to her about how I was feeling (hey, we talk to our pets around here ;-) and my husband said, "and her mom will do fine."  I questioned him, "My mom will do fine?"  "No, I was talking to the dog.  Lola's mom will be just fine."

I had to talk about the way I was bullied in high school last night.  I only scrapped the very ugly surface and once he left I began to become overwhelmed. Not from my own past of being bullied but about the thought of our children, who will be seen by new classmates as "outsiders" and perhaps even "misfits" and my heart broke for the bullying that they might experience.  Children are so cruel to other children and what if my black child's classmates see him with a white mama and pick on him for it? 

I'm a built in 'yo mama' joke;  I'm fat, I'm pasty white, and I'm clueless.  But the important thing is that I will be there just like my parents were for me when I went through it.  My mom posed this question today: what if it's YOUR child who is the bully?  Whoa.  Never considered that.  That's why I love my mom she can drive me crazy with her over protective worrying at times just like any mother but she's got such a good head on her shoulders and thinks of things I never would have.  I'll still be at that Principal's office first thing the next morning working to FIX the issue.  And poor will there be an X-box free child in MY home!! :-)

Today we got signed up for our CPR and First Aid classes. Monday we need to get our TB tests and copy our driver's licenses and car registrations and buy a first aid kit and we're ready in that respect.  I just called my Rheumatologist's office to ask my doctor to write a letter that simply states my Re.icade is working and that I'm okay to foster.  The SW doesn't NEED this but I WANT to provide it. 

I'm also putting in notice at my job on Monday.  I will work through April 27, 2012.    Along with Foster Parenting comes: driving them to weekly natural family visitations (unless we are able to adopt Robert), taking them to medical appointments (ADHD children will have monthly psychiatric appointments), and monthly MDT meetings, I want to be a homeroom mother (though the summer is coming up but I'm planning ahead) and then there's just the general: they can't stay home alone, our age group is too old for daycare, so I won't have to worry about finding someone to watch them while I work.

Things are rolling along nicely.  I'm scared, nervous, anxious, excited, did I mention scared?  I hope this makes sense because I'm writing it while at work and I've had to start/stop numerous times.