I quit my job today. Yesterday my boss and I had a very nice talk. I called up a local after-school program that has a summer program for six weeks in the summer that would have allowed me to work a couple days a week while the kids attended as Jr. Volunteers who got to go places like the local wave pool, water parks, and other fun field trips while having reading and math retention lessons. We discussed me going to two days a week during the summer (possibly three which was one more day then I wanted) and then go back to my full 29 hours in the fall. I left work yesterday thinking, "I got this!" But I didn't.
Last night was Pride class 7 and I asked our SW, "how do your other families who have kids the age group we're taking do the summer months with limited child care options?" His answer was simple: they don't. None of his foster families that have children in the teen ages have two working parents. One parent works at an outside job and the other is the primary caregiver. It was then I started to think, "I need to quit."
I've never been a mom before. I have no idea what it takes to be a mother. I'm also a grad student. I'm also a part time employee and a wife. I'm also a person living with RA. I am a person who thinks she can do everything without thinking that she has limitations. I have limitations. I need to accept that and not take on too much.
So today, when my boss went out to the post office and the bank, I slapped a post it on my resignation letter and slapped it on her desk. When she came back, I was sitting in the dark (I had a horrible migraine) with my Nook open trying to stay awake and I think she knew. She made a comment about giving her a gift (meaning my Nook) and I said, 'Um yes" then she looked at me and knew what was waiting for her and she said, "um, no". I literally wanted to cry and throw up at the same time. I've never hated quitting a job so much in my life. I left shortly after just too sick from my headache and remorse to finish the day. I came home and slept for five hours and felt a lot better.
My Chicken Shit way of quitting
My attempts at an artistic photo while having double vision and nausea.
After coming home sick trying to keep the light away.
This is the strangest time in my life. We think we know what to expect but at the very same time we know we have absolutely NO idea what we're getting into. None. We got a social history on a young lady we were considering expressing interest in to adopt. We were surprised to know our SW already had some general idea of this child. Unfortunately, it is not a situation we can commit ourselves. My heart broke for her. My heart has been broken so many times over the two months we have been taking classes. I know my heart will continue to break many many times in bigger and more hurtful ways through this process but it will be worth it in the end. I know this. My husband knows it. And while we're scared silly, we're ready for it.
Fairy wings hanging from the ceiling of the local 50's-60's diner. Photo op too good to pass up!
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