Thinking Like A Mom

I had a slight anxiety attack this afternoon and, as usual, my mom knew exactly what to say.  For the first time in forever I felt like a grown ass woman even though I was kinda crying like a baby.  I honestly felt the support of my mom through a phone call.  It felt good.  Please don't read that to mean she wasn't/hasn't been supportive because she has but today was EXACTLY what I needed.

We are/were in the market for a bigger car to accompany our expanding family; however, I have had some anxiety over the situation.  I mean the material side of me wants to drive a shiny new car off the Hyundai lot  next month just like my parents and brother/sister-in-law have done this month; however, we are paying off all of our credit card debt freeing up a sizable amount of money from Mr. T's salary allowing me to be a SAHM.  Thinking today about quitting my job (that's a whole other issue) and realizing that I have been working to make ends meet because of this massive payment we've been making and how we're going to be getting into a $400 a month car payment made me scared.  Down right anxious. 

So over Mr. T's birthday dinner I just came out with it like word vomit:  "We can't buy a car."  Mr. T looked rather panicked but I explained that until we learn what our monthly budget will be with our children we can't get into any new debt.  Once we see how much our regular monthly expenses increase and what we have financially to work with, then by all means let's go buy a SUV but until then, I just can't. 

My boss does not want me to quit working; however, after going over and over it in my mind and talking to my mom today who reminded me that I will only have a VERY SHORT time with my babies before they will be leaving the nest it is important that I be home with them. We don't need my part time income.  When I think about how the extra money would be nice, I then think: $8.00 an hour for 29 hours a week v.s. spending time with my babies.  Well, there's no contest.

So, tomorrow I have to go into work and do what I have intended to do since last Friday and stick to it.  I'm going to resign.  I'm going to leave my position even though I've only been in it for three months, to fulfill the dream that has been in my heart since I met my husband.

There's no amount of money, no fancy car, nothing is more important that getting the chance to be a mother.

I love my mom.  Her example is what's going to make me a good mom.  And her willingness to listen to me cry through my fears on the phone proves how wonderful she's going to continue to be as I walk into parenting with my eyes wide shut.