Last Class

Sorry I haven't been around Blogger in awhile.  I've had a lot going on and opted to take a little hiatus from blogging.

It's been a busy week and it's only Tuesday.

Sunday J and I went to church and had a wonderful day.  Worship was amazing and the children's program was  adorable.  I can't wait to watch my children next year.  By Sunday afternoon I began losing my voice until I was completely voiceless from Sunday night through late last night.  Weird.  I didn't feel bad just lost my voice.  I guess my husband prayed for and received an Easter Miracle!!

Yesterday was my last Monday on the job.  I didn't have a voice and I had to whisper all day.  I also found it was "abuse the case worker because she's going to be gone" day.  I have been getting more and more of my boss' work on my desk over the course of the past couple of weeks but yesterday was when I reached my limit. I think the Lord took my voice so I wouldn't say what I was really thinking.  I didn't realize until a week ago that all the stuff she'd been putting off on me to do was what she was supposed to be doing.  Another employee said, "why don't you let her do her job?"  So yesterday, when I was running around like mad and she talked on her cell phone, texted, and shopped on eBay all morning, I was pretty hot.  She kept saying, 'before you leave me forever, I need you to........"  So, I got it all done yesterday, took my personal things with me and left my key in an envelope in my desk drawer.  I wasn't sure when I left yesterday if I was going back or not and around 7:30 this morning I emailed her that I would not be back and how I left upset and frustrated (didn't elaborate) and that I had made the decision to be finished.  She texted me and said, "damn, I didn't know you were so unhappy here."  Which isn't the truth.  I wasn't always unhappy.  She became unhappy with her job and instead of doing it anyway, she started giving it to me.  She was using me, and after she found out I was leaving it got worse and honestly, I'm all for quitting responsibly but I'm not for being abused.

I had big plans for the day of what rooms I was going to clean in the house and what all I was going to get done and I woke up with a mighty nasty migraine so I spent the day in a cool, dark room fighting it.  It's finally gone!!!

Then this evening we had our last foster parenting class:  crisis intervention.  Now all we have left is to get our CPR/First Aid and our home safety inspection and we're ready for kids!!

We'll get a little bit of a "baptism by fire" this weekend.  Another foster family has something scheduled this weekend that was scheduled way before they became licensed as foster parents and needed parents who can keep them for the entire day Saturday and morning Sunday.  I didn't want to say yes.  In fact, even though I finally said yes, I'm still not 100% happy about it.  The ages: 1, 3, and 5.  The minimum age we'll accept as foster parents? 8 (and that's pushing it!)

I know I'm not the best around kids between the ages of 2-6/7.  I don't tend to have a lot of patience and if I'm being completely honest, I don't like little kids.  Give me a teenager who can tell me to F off over a little kid throwing a temper tantrum.  I much prefer a child I can reason with over one I have to accept will "grow out of it".  I know.  I sound like a horrible non-maternal person but it's who I am.  My niece?  She's 15 months and a piece of cake.  She's the sweetest little thing who I've never ever seen melt down or throw a fit.  I could spend all day with her and babies like her but she's extra special.  Most babies are not like our Mils! I just haven't universally had success with young children.  But I've called in reinforcements and I'm going to get some cheap toys (which I'll donate to the agency for the visitation room) and we'll get through it.

I'm not as nervous as I was before.  I can't explain it but I'm not.  I'm starting to define my discipline style and I'm starting to feel less pulled in many directions.  I don't have the weight of a job hanging over my head so now I can focus on one thing:  getting ready to be a parent.  And I'm really liking that role!!

(I apologize if this has spelling and grammar errors.  I'll catch them and correct them tomorrow.  I'm tired and going to sleep!!)