Apologies

I was in a horrible mood yesterday.  I went with my little family out to eat and I was feeling very upset about my current physical condition.  The space between seating areas was not big enough to make me feel comfortable.  I was angry at myself for allowing myself to get to this position and even angrier still for not committing myself to do anything about it.  Sure I've managed to lose 11 pounds in the last month but when you are MY size, 11 pounds is a drop in the bucket.

I was feeling low and miserable and I did something that I am very ashamed of and have, rightfully so, taken must criticism over on Twitter and even some Anonymous comments on here that I refuse to publish.  I would publish comments of people who are man/woman enough to use their real names as I am being woman enough to come here to apologize and admit to my lapse of judgment.

Misery loves company and we've all been guilty of looking at someone who is "worse off" than ourselves and thinking, "I might be (fill in the blank) but at least I'm not that."  To say you haven't is not being truthful.  Yesterday, I took a picture and posted to twitter of someone who was a little worse off than me in the weight department with the comment, "may I never get that big."  It was wrong.  I offer no excuses.  I would die if I knew someone had done the same to me without my knowledge.

What I saw was it could get worse if I don't get serious.  And what you people who have come here or on Twitter to voice your hatred/anger/disgust/name calling don't realize is I'm a very morbidly obese person myself.  I don't post pictures nor do I really discuss the seriousness of my weight issues because of embarrassment.  But to, in a pitiful attempt at rectifying a very horrible thing I did, I'm owning up to myself right here.  Right now.

This is me (12/31/11)

It's one of the few pictures I have of myself saved on this computer to post.  I don't allow many pictures to be taken of me and my over 300 pound self.  Yes. I said it: I'm just a tad over the 300 pound mark and it makes me sick.

I took down the tweet yesterday within minutes of posting it because I realized how horrible what I had done was.  However, it was not before it was retweeted and the "you're an asshole" tweets started rolling in.  I've been called a "bitch", "asshole", and the C word.  I completely understand the vitriol.  What I did was disgusting and wrong.  It was the act of a severely insecure woman who was looking for a scapegoat.

So, you can go ahead and tweet me your hateful thoughts and leave comments here.  I'm not saying I don't deserve them. But what I'm saying is, I'm not a "horrible" person.  If I was I wouldn't have removed it.  I wouldn't be here accepting responsibility.  I wouldn't be addressing the issue at all.

I was wrong. 

The End.