Saying Good-Bye and Hello

Tuesday we said goodbye to our first foster child.  I did remarkably well.  The plans were for the child to have a psychological evaluation in the morning then go meet mom and the CPS worker at court at 1 and then go home with mom.  I was fine.  I didn't cry.  Lord knows I cried the night before but I swear our SW came in, gathered the child and the child's things with stealth like precision and was in and out in two minutes.  Like ripping off a band aid.  I was fine.  Until I found out thing didn't go as well as we had all hoped but I'm sure things worked out for the best.  That's basically all I can put out into the Blogopshere.

I've kept myself pretty busy.  Met the bestie for lunch Tuesday and we went to see What to Expect.  Hilarious. Good movie.  That evening to keep my husband occupied and to keep from sitting in a quiet and empty house we went to see What to Expect (my husband loves a good chick flick.  I got lucky!) and had dinner.

Yesterday the bestie and I met up with a former coworker for a nice long lunch and then husband and I had dinner with friends.  I decided yesterday that I'm sick of feeling so sick and tired and being so fat. I decided that today I was going to do something different.  Today I have eliminated all sugar (unless it comes from a real piece of fruit), white starches/carbs, soft drinks, juices, high fatty foods, greasy foods, high calorie foods.  I will be doing peach protein shakes made with fat free lactose free milk for breakfast and lunch, snacks will be small natural applesauce cups, and dinner will be a lean/grilled protein and salad.  Don't forget plenty of water. I'm tired of feeling I'm walking through wet concrete every day.

So this morning, after sleeping in a little later than I really wanted.  I laid in bed thinking how much our bedroom could really use a good old fashioned scrubbing, vacuuming, folded clothes need put away, etc.  But I decided to exercise.  I told myself I was going to do 1 mile.  Just one little mile.

I put on a tight compression tank top and some walking shorts, a du-rag (sp?) and headed to the track at the local college.  I drank my shake on the way to the track.  I told myself I was going to do it even if it meant stopping, sitting down, taking breaks, and even if it took an entire hour I was going to get this mile in.

Here I am driving to the track:

Yeah.  I'm sexy and I know it.  NOT!  But still, I didn't give an EFF.  I am what I am and I am fat.  I'm on my way to do something about it.  Who cares who sees this and what they think of me.  That's their problem. 

So, I step foot on the track.  It's a gravel track.  Now I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and my feet have been greatly affected, to the point where the bones have already started to deform, not to mention the extra 150 pounds I'm carrying on them every single day.  I was able to do two laps equaling a half mile (only had to sit down for 5 minutes between trips) in roughly 25 minutes.  The gravel killed my feet.  Each step was so painful.  So I decided it was okay to stop.  "Work yourself up to a mile, Allison."  "You did more than you normally do" blah blah blah.

I justified how I'll do a half mile for a week then next week work up to a mile and blah blah blah.  Either way I looked at it, I was letting myself down.  So, I drove over to the high school track and football field.  The track there was paved so I decided I could do two trips around to finish my mile.  It was a lot easier on my feet.  Not nearly as painful as the previous half mile had been.  So, in a little under one and a half hours, I spent 45 minutes walking a mile.

I may not get my room cleaned today.  My feet are killing me.  But I exercised.  I started out wanting something simple: to walk a mile and even though I tried to quit, I didn't. 

I know some of you are thinking, "come one it's a frigging mile.  Who can't walk a mile?"  Well, until three hours ago I would have told you I couldn't walk a mile. But I did.  It took awhile.  It hurt. I huffed and puffed and I'm now sun burnt (damn Irish complexion) but I did it. 

So now I'm going to go get a hot shower, put on some comfy clothes, have my lunch, drink more water (I've not even had 16.9 ounces of water yet..can you say holy dehydration headache??).  I may go back this evening with my husband and do another half mile.  Each day I will make as many trips to the track as necessary to get a mile in until I'm able to to a mile at one time without stopping.  I'll continue to work up to longer/father. But until then, I'm not going to beat myself up and I'm not going to short change myself.  I saw that I was able to do a mile. Yes I had to take a good 20 minute break in between each half mile but I did it.  One foot in front of the other with Jill Scott crooning on my ipod. 

This week I may have said good bye to the kid but today I said hello to myself.  I'm proud of myself.  Now, I'm off to hit the showers.