Mother's Day

This year was my first Mother's Day.  It was kind of awkward and wonderful at the same time.  All the mothers were called to the front of the church and each child/husband/or another member of the church if your children weren't there presented each mother with a rose. My child was the first to come up and give me a rose. And a hug.  I had to turn my head to keep people from seeing my tears.  Here is this precious child so deeply uprooted from a previous life that was so difficult and had only known me for a week but wanted to give me a rose and a hug.

The church had a dinner afterwards for the moms but I could tell my child wasn't really wanting to stay.  I think all of the mother talk caused some sadness so we went out to eat at my favorite place.  The child had never been there before but loved it.  Since it's my favorite place and we go there a lot the owners know we don't have children and we hadn't told them we'd become foster parents so they were a little surprised to see a tag-a-long. I'm still awkward on how to approach people who don't know us or our situation on how to explain our new addition.  I simply explained what the child's name was and that the child had come to stay with us.  The child said, "I'm living with them because I'm in foster care."  The owner looked at me and smiled and gave me a flower. 

Usually with foster care the parents don't know how long they will have the kids.  Usually it is expected to be a minimum of six months.  We know how long we'll have this child.  It won't be six month.  Our situation has been a little different than most "normal" fostering situations.  But while it has been a huge shock to my system and a major adjustment, I'm glad we made the decision to be foster parents. 

I've had a hard time adjusting to having someone in the house.  I'm also at the point where my RA treatment is overdue and I'm not feeling well.  I should have received my treatment last week and when I have to prolong it I don't feel well.  So it's been difficult but not impossible. 

I know from a dear friend who is also a foster parent that it takes time to adjust and to feel like a family.  I know that just a week and a day into this placement it's not out of the ordinary to feel so disconnected still.  I feel like the babysitter and not the mom.  But I also know that I won't have the time to develop that relationship.  It wasn't in the cards for this placement.  But I've learned a few things.

My mom always said, "you have no idea how much children change your life until you have them."  And she's right.  It's been a difficult adjustment but while it's been hard and awkward and sometimes weird, it's not going to keep me from continuing to foster and eventually to adopt.  I'm a new parent just as all new parents only my child came with a history, a personality molded by trauma, and independence and habits. 

It's been a learning experience and I'm thankful for it.  I don't look forward to saying goodbye when the time comes but I do look forward to the other children we'll be able to help, love, and maybe make ours forever.  I just need to realize that each child does take time.  There will always be adjustment periods and that it is okay to feel awkward.